No More Than I Already Am

SHELLY KIM

PC ’15

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My mom visited me over the past several days. It was a beautiful time.

As we talked and caught up on life, I realized that my relationship with my mom looks less like it did when I was 5 and more like that of two sisters or friends. But I am no less my mom’s daughter. In fact, I am learning more of what that actually means.

I am very different from my mom. I live in the abstract; she lives in the practical. I love to sit on the couch and just relax; she can’t stop pacing the room looking for things to organize. In some ways, we operate in fundamentally different spheres. The ways we approach problems, relationships, and even faith, sometimes make me wonder how I could be my mom’s daughter.

On the other hand, we are both steadfast in our convictions. We have a strong sense of right and wrong that we abide by fiercely. We are protective of those we love. We are romantics at heart, yet are extremely skeptical and we take everything anyone ever says with a half-disbelieving heart. We are interested in few things, but the things we care for we care for passionately. We hate to commit because we take our commitments too seriously. At times, I feel like I am just a younger version of my mom.

But despite our similarities, differences, and changing relationship, I realize that I am no more or no less my mom’s child than I was the day I was born. I am my own person, but there are parts of me that are naturally influenced by my mom, by her past, her aspirations, and her love. I am my own person, but there are so many aspects of my character that I wish would grow to more resemble my mom’s. I am neither more nor less her daughter; I am merely coming to realize what being her daughter means.

This past Sunday, my pastor said, “You can’t become more of a child of God. You’re not striving to become God’s child; you are discovering who you already are.”

My relationship with God changes as I grow older. I see how in many ways, I am the very opposite of God. We function on different spheres. But I also see glimpses of His heart in mine. In virtue of being a child of God, I cannot help but to have been made in His image. I am naturally influenced by God, His character, His aspirations, and His love. And like I desire to have more of my mom’s good traits, I desire to resemble Christ. In light of this, I leave myself and you a question that I hope will prompt further questions:

If you have accepted that you are a child of God, do you really live like you know that that is true?

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