This is part of a syndicated series for Lent 2019 with Harvard’s Christian Journal Ichthus. Visit Ichthus at http://www.harvardichthus.org
By Bradley Yam, Saybrook ’21. Bradley is majoring in Ethics, Politics and Economics.
1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
I feel like a fool in my heart, the fool that says “there is no God”. What else can I feel like, when I have been made a fool? Do not let me doubt any longer, God. Speak and I will believe you, just reveal yourself to me, and I will believe, show up, and I will see you and rejoice.
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Ask and I will be answered, seek and I will find, knock and the door will be opened? But all I hear are the echoes of my questions, all I see are the blank stares of errant thoughts and all I feel is rough, splintered wood of the old door rasping against my skin. My knuckles are bone dry.
3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
I cannot survive without an answer: I do not see how anyone could. Perhaps they are braver than me, like they always say, that God is for the weak. Then weak I am, so weak that should you not answer me, I will die like the most distraught lover, like Dido without Aeneas.
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
Where is my enemy? Where is my foe? There is no longer an enemy in this world, only a casual indifference, an indifference that justifies injustice.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I remember when I walked in knowledge that you love me, I remember when I thought of you and felt only joy, I remember when I was sure that you were so near to me, I could almost reach out and touch you.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
I will sing your praise, for you have been good to me. Help me to sing your praise, for you have been good to me.