“God Loves You”

December 18, 2021 | By Hannah Turner BK ‘24

image description: turbulent sunset over a field at dusk

“That’s funny,” my high school friend said when she heard the common Christian phrase thrown out in a conversation about racism. She had concluded the very opposite: God didn’t love her, if there even was a god. 

She explained to me, if God loved us there would not be so much suffering in the world. If God loved us, His people would be loving. Preachers wouldn’t chastise one’s every move just to get caught cheating on their spouse themselves. Churchgoers wouldn’t pray for you on Sunday just to gossip about you on Monday. If God loved us, there would be no racism, no sexism, no -isms at all.

“How could someone even say that?” she wondered.

I nodded with bewilderment; what she said made sense, yet the phrase still brought me great comfort. I struggled to articulate why. 

For many, like my friend, it is illogical to say that suffering can exist in the same universe as a loving God. I wanted to explain my logic to her as a Christian, but was unsure where to start. There is endless literature on this by theologians much more knowledgeable than me. I wanted to explain that I understand what it is like to suffer, and that I believe each person’s relationship with Suffering is unique, yet inevitable.

Suffering offered her incessant companionship as I neared my first decade of time on this earth. I recognized her. No one wanted to be friends with her, but her familiarity was somewhat of a comfort. Suffering begged for my attention. She convinced me that the smiles across the room were mocking us, so we must leave. We concluded that those ‘nice girls’ who asked me to the movies were really talking behind my back. It was better to just stay home with Suffering. Her exhortations led me to new perceptions. Soon, she was acquainted with my whole family. She convinced us that only she could be trusted, but left us with no money and no trust. I grieved the pain she caused me, but the remnants of our relationship remained. I never want to be with her, but life without her seems less real. I’m past questioning Suffering’s presence in my life, but I am still left with her pain.

This pain was my constant reminder of humanity’s faults. People hurt people. I was bitter. Suffering made me aware of this. The reason behind these faults might be that humanity is just missing something. It seems like that something is a change of heart. It is an actual desire and commitment to move toward some collective morality that eliminates the need for Suffering. 

This is one reason, on top of the need for free will (another thing many theologians can explain much better than me), is why God may allow for Suffering and her pain. C.S. Lewis puts it like this in The Problem of Pain:

“And pain is not only immediately recognisable evil, but evil impossible to ignore. ... we can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” [1]

It is the conclusion that Suffering is an arrow pointing to the need for God — a “definer” and perfect actor of goodness. Christians believe that we need to realign our hearts with the heart of God. Relationship with Him allows us to see where the “bad” that leads to suffering can be redeemed or destroyed. In each circumstance there is nuance, but I constantly find that there is an answer that lies with our change and God’s omnipotence, omniscience, and omnipresence. 

Thus, the comfort I have when I hear that God loves me is only possible through my understanding of both the questions of why we suffer and who is the Christian God. So, I want to leave you with a picture of how a Christian would take comfort in that phrase while still experiencing suffering. 

Imagine you are walking across a surging river on a path of rocks that juts out of the water. As you step, you test each rock to see if it lies on the firm foundation in the earth below. You know what it is like to fall from an unstable surface, and you likewise know that the strength of the water below would make it difficult to swim against. You are careful to cross the river — testing each rock — and soon you make it to the other side. 

This illustrates part of my new relationship with Suffering as a Christian. 

I have experienced great pain at the hands of those around me — those I’ve loved and who’ve loved me. I know what it is like to fall away from people: it hurts. Sometimes it pains me to wake up in the morning and face my responsibilities, friends, expectations, and commitments. I know that it is hard to change the toxic narratives that have grown strong as I’ve been recounting them to myself. But I sought a firm foundation and found it only in God. I wanted to tell my friend that Christians were not so naive as to claim suffering doesn’t hurt if you just consider that “God loves you”. Rather, I took the saying to mean that His reality transforms our experience of suffering. With Him I have truly found transformation: Peace and Truth have become close companions, and I’m free from placing my value in the fickle people around me. This does not mean I am free of suffering, but my experience of it has been changed.

In His Word God says:

“‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you … For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, Your Savior’” [2].

When I call myself Christian I am referring to my committed relationship with Christ. When God says He is with me in my suffering I experience the consolation of a good parent. They hold you close, wipe away your tears, and remind you that even though you may not be okay right now, you are cared for by them. Love and suffering are not mutually exclusive. I have found my relationship with God to be like this but even more profound as He has all the power, presence, and knowledge in the universe. He can understand our suffering intimately, as He made Himself man to suffer and die an excruciating death. That suffering was transformed as, in His power, He defeated death so we could experience spiritual redemption — that change of heart reliance on His will. Being love and goodness, God is using this suffering to point us to the way, in the future, where there will be no need for such suffering. 

I think a conversation with my friend is overdue, and I should text her about getting a coffee. Until then, I would urge non-Christians and Christians alike to reexamine their responses to and use of the phrase “God loves you.” To those who aren’t Christian: I do not believe that this phrase was meant to brush off your valid experiences of suffering, but to offer you an experienced peace rooted in the promise of a better future. To the Christian: consider the perspective and experienced hurt of your audience, and maybe elaborate next time.

References:

1. Lewis, C.S. “Human Pain” in The Problem of Pain, (New York : HarperCollins, 2001), pg 91.

2. Isaiah 43: 1-3